It's 7:46 in the morning, I have fed the dogs, ferrets, made coffee, cleaned the backyard, took the garbage to the dumpster in the alley, watered the garden, made the bed, showered, and got dressed. I am pretty proud of what I am doing and how I am getting through this time.
Have I had my meltdowns? Yup!! Sure have!!
Have I cried a lot? Yup! Sure!
Have I screamed? Yup! Just not in front of Ron!
I have also managed the house, worked my full time job, been a chauffeur to Ron for doctor's appointments and physical therapy (PT) appointments, pay the bills, take care of the pets, cook, and yes bake! I have all of our bills caught up finally!! No more disconnect notices, no more threats to take the car, we even have car insurance on the car! I stayed diligent and worked my butt off to get this to happen. I will keep this momentum up in the new year, while he is still healing and when he does heal if that ever really happens.
This Sunday I am planning on getting out of bed and going to church, I will go to Christmas Eve service and the New Year's Eve service as well. I will get back to reading my Bible and other books, that I enjoy. I got rid of Disney+, Hulu, Max, and Peacock for streaming services as they do not offer quality, good movies, they offer a lot of garbage in my opinion. I am not into watching people kill each other, drugs, sex, or other things. I do not subscribe to the way to thinking that this world has. I will start up my PureFlix subscription again and I still have Prime due to the fact that it has some good stuff on it, plus I get savings with it. I ordered new makeup off of it that is due to arrive today, it's not good expensive makeup, it's ELF brand. I did read a lot of reviews on it and well it seems like it will be good for me to use.
My life is falling into place, now if only I get my marriage in place where it needs to be, that takes two of us. I really do pray that our marriage can withstand this, we barely speak to each other now, he is here in the house with me 24x7. There are a lot of outbursts that stress me out and I end up going outside to the patio or taking a drive to escape the insanity of it all. If you are reading this, please pray for us. I am doing all I can to be a good wife and strong for him, It's exhausting and I have no one that I can really talk to. This is where I may need to look into therapy in the new year, at least for myself.
The thing I am not mad at God for this at all, I know God did not cause this to happen. God does not cause bad things to happen. I do know that Satan is on the attack in our home and he is doing a good job at tearing Ronnie down. I will not allow him to take me down in this process, I will keep my eyes on Jesus.
I had a dream last night or early this morning, where I was being attacked by all kinds of demons, they were using the stuff I loved, it sounds silly to even have this memory of the stuff that was being used. I saw the Muppets, Bugs Bunny, and other fun stuff being used for evil in attacks against me, in fact I heard the voice of Ursula from The Little Mermaid cartoon saying "We are going to take you with us! You are going to go down too!" I kept screaming "I am not going down! You can't have me! Jesus has me!" There was a lot of blood, zombies, and much more gruesome stuff going on. All I could do is cry to Jesus to protect me.
Please God shake this home up, clean it out, and remove everything that is not of you! Please do the same with me and with Ronnie. Shake us up, clean us out, and remove all that is not of you!
It's in Jesus' name I pray this... AMEN!
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